BOOTY LOOTING, buried treasure

DOUG WILLIAMS IS A GENIUS

2009-08-08T13:31:00.004-07:00

DOUG, I LOVE YOU FOR ETERNITY

SHOUT OUT TO THE ALAMO IN YONKERS AND SARAH LAWRENCE COLLEGE

http://dougisfamous.com/artwork/1285773_Very_Famous.html

OH AND THIS

http://dougisfamous.com/artwork/1285770_Digits.html

and

http://dougisfamous.com/artwork/1284208_Peel.html

AND THIS:

http://dougisfamous.com/artwork/1285035_This_Video_Sells_Itself.html

HARDY HAR HAR HAR

2009-07-27T12:02:00.002-07:00

WORLD VIDEO PREMIERE for HERE I AM BY DA HARDY BOYZ

USE YOUR EYES:

Nurse Jackie

2009-06-08T23:05:00.002-07:00

MMMMMMMerritt I'm so proud! Watch Merritt on Nurse Jackie on Showtime! SARAH LAWRENCE KIDS ARE THE BESTEST

SILENT LIBRARY ACTIVATE

2009-06-08T15:14:00.003-07:00

T-MINUS 1 WEEK.

ON JUNE 15TH, AT 6PM, TURN ON MTV AND WATCH WHAT WILL BE THE FUTURE OF THE FUTURE OF CRAZY.

OH AND FOR MY LADIES:

OH AND
GERBILS IN YER UNDIES

OH AND

AND THEN

2009-05-27T21:49:00.003-07:00

EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO LOVE WHO THEY WANT WHEN THEY WANT WHERE THEY WANT, COME THE FUCK ON CALI

OH AND Cheryl "Coko" Clemons, where you at? WE NEED TO TALK. LOVE YOU MA

ALL THAT THANKS TO THE ONE AND ONLY SQUIRT IN YER EYE:http://www.the-squirt.com/

THATS SOMEONE'S LIFE Y'ALL

2009-05-19T16:38:00.002-07:00

This is a real ad on Craigslist:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/tlg/1178588774.html

BREAKDANCING PENIS NEEDED (MUST ALSO HOLD FRUIT) (Dutchess County)
I need a talented phallus for the sequel to my first installment in my Debt: Utility series of films. The sequel, Debt: Utility (100) 2: Electric Boogaloo will be focusing on the abilities of one young man's breakdancing member. It is of the utmost importance that the penis be able to pop-lock, moonwalk, and perform more acrobatic tricks such as flares and headspins.

For motivation, the penis should be thinking Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian or Carl Weathers as Apollo Creed. Jim Carrey's penis needn't apply.

THE PENIS WILL ALSO BE HOLDING AND DANCING WITH A GRAPEFRUIT. IF YOUR PENIS CANNOT HOLD A GRAPEFRUIT, PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND.

This is a student film, and will not provide pay initially, but will provide residuals once worldwide acclaim is garnered.
If possible, I'd like to meet with the penis and it's owner separately during the audition process.

UM and this is what my best friend in the entire universe wrote back:

Hi
Im writing to express interest in this opportunity.

My penis moves like Apollo Creed on speed and has more rhythm than a disco ball full of Soul Train dancers. Its crazy because I am skinny white guy from the suburbs and dance like Laura Bush on qualuudes with two busted knees, but my penis moves in some mysterious ways!

I have been looking for YEARS for a venue to explore this phenomenon in a safe, and appropriate way (you cant imagine the number of high school formals I was escorted out of!) and I think this may just be the ticket!!

Here's the catch-my penis can only hold an orb-like object the size of an orange at this point in time. I trained it, starting with teaching it to grab peas, then chickpeas, then golf balls, then clementines. Grapefruits are next on the training regimen --coconut is the last stop-- the "black belt" if you will) but to put it in trainer terminology, we are just "not there yet". This is my penis's journey, not just mine, and I am trying to respect his limitations and his growth with positive reinforcement as opposed to unfair and unreasonable demands-making.

Is this okay? Might we use an orange during filming and then after-affects the grapefruit in during post?

Let me know. We can totally do this thing--we just need a chance! I'm so excited about this that my balls are sweating--no, no, my balls's balls are sweating!! Oh Man!

Sincerely,

A. Christopher Fried

I LOVE LIFE

Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards

2009-04-11T00:10:00.006-07:00

THE GREATEST COMPUTER GAME OF 1987.

Set in the City of Lost Wages, Larry is a lonely and HORNAAAAAY 40 year old virgin whose life goal is to sleep with a woman before midnight.

Double entendre's all over the place up in here!

I was playing this at the age of 9!

The graphics are bananas. B A N A N A S

EURYTHMICS

2009-04-07T22:24:00.005-07:00

HOLY HELL NUTZ, I LOVE YOU

SOUL.

Roberto I love you, thank you for taking a chance on me

OH and MEAT WASH. What is it? FIND OUT at some point in the future of time at THE LIBRARY

slooow down

2009-03-31T10:00:00.005-07:00

and vote for my intergalactic fam

SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED UP

I might not be in MIAMI but my boo's are:

HOUSE OF JACKIE BROWN- go buy those suits

AND THE ONE OF A KIND TSHIRT DRAWN FROM MY LIKENESS FROM THE COUCH SCENE IN TITANIC BY MISSSSS JESSSSSY JESSS and LEAH THE DEEVA circa 1996 nyc rave scene

go buy that at www.marriedtothemobnyc.com

oh and get ready for the future of future of the past of the now of your brain shatter:

SUCK MY HORNS

2009-03-26T09:07:00.002-07:00

2009-03-24T08:51:00.001-07:00

XXX SOFT CORE LATE NIGHT PROMO

2009-02-16T15:37:00.003-07:00

ALSO

YOUR AURA IS BEAUTIFUL

FACE VASE

GOLDENSTASH STORE IN ALLSTON

MURDERING IT

2009-02-08T22:50:00.002-07:00

ALL DAY:

BRI, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS MADE ME FEEL XTC:

AND

anddddd

andddddddddddddddd

HOT FUCKING FIRE

2009-02-05T10:15:00.002-07:00

I had to post this. Come on, the remix is unstopppable. Every meathead and regular person is fist pumping to this, including me.RecoluCian
thank you for this remix and for your upcoming work on RU-PAULS' new album! -side note i love the name LUCIAN.

ALSO need some hot BAIL-OUT for your ears:

http://www.ugo.com/movies/christian-bale-soundboard/

2009-01-30T10:31:00.008-07:00

and ps. every morning and evening before I leave work i draw a huge PEN15 on the communal dry erase board in the hallway at work. AND EVERY DAY it gets erased. To the TWON that is erasing my FINE ART: YOU WANNA BUMBLE WITH THE BEE? I will find out who you are, and when I do, WE GONNA TUSSSSLE! and by tussle I mean do the hustle.

KISSES

OH and this man is the most incredible:

www.dougisfamous.com

DOUG WILLIAMS, learn it love it, use it, cause he's about to control your mind

STELLA GLASS INTERVIEWED ME!!

2009-01-29T09:21:00.003-07:00

here is the complete interview!

Posted by: Stella Glass
January 28, 2009
Interview with Abbington von Koo, Proprieter of Koochievision, and Potential U.S.Deserter
KOOCHIEVISION, KOOCHIEVISION, KOOCHIEVISION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AvK: Um I WAS BORN READY. That’s my first quote. Quote me

SG: Okay. Here we go. Where you from & where do you stay at?

AvK: I’m from, well, actually it’s complicated. My parents told me when I was the tender age of 6 that I was in fact dropped off from my “space parents.” So I guess I’m from the outer limits by way of BOSSSSTON. And I stay at peewee’s playhouse also known as Koochieville

SG: Who is your Daddy, and what does he do?

AvK: Gerry. I’m a Gerry’s kid! He’s an oracle; wiser than Gandalf and more magical than Shaq in Kazaam!

SG: What is your problem?

AvK: What’s YOUR damage? My real problem is the movie “Problem Child” 1 AND 2

SG: What sound or noise do you love?

AvK: The sound of soda cans opening and the bubbles fizzing brings me ultimate XTC. And when you do the lamb “Baaaaah”, it gets me every time. [Ed. Note: von Koocher is referring to a lamb impression that I occasionally perform. At this time von Koocher inserted a series of emoticons into her response. As I cannot reproduce them, I will do my best to describe them here.]
{Smiley Face}

{Frowny Face}

{Devil Face}

AvK: I will be conducting the rest of this interview with a series of emoticons, hope you don’t mind.

{Quizzical Face}

{Slanted Mouth Face}

SG: Oysters or Peanuts at happy hour?

AvK: Fried chicken

{Smiley Face}

SG: If I was over at your house, would it be cool if I crash there?

AvK: YOU, yes, duh. Some homeless man sucking off Joe Schmo in a back alley, no.

{Face with tongue sticking out}

{Crying Face}

SG: Jesus. Do you think you’ve “sold out”?

AvK: I currently work for M (not music) TV, so I work for Viacom (sell out). My soul, heart and mind have not however, and continue to TAKE IT TO THE (PROVERBIAL) HOOP!
SG: Would you welcome the opportunity to “sell out” further?

AvK: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS, but sell up down, front back and side to side. Well that’s where I see things just a little differently. Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor. Maybe I’m wrong on this one, but for me, the beast doesn’t include selling out. Garth, you know what I’m talking about, right?
It’s like people only do these things because they can get paid. And that’s just really sad. I can’t talk about it anymore; it’s giving me a headache.

I think I’m gonna spew

SG: What are the first 5 songs on your “recently played” play list?

AvK:

“Vogue”, Madonna

“Freaky Tales”, Too Short

“Chick Habit”, April March

“Misdemeanor” Foster Sylvers

“Stuntin’ Like My Daddy”, Li’l Wayne

And (bonus track) “Machine Gun”, Jimi Hendrix

SG: If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would you like to see play the lead role as you?

AvK: Delta Burke! Or Animal from the Muppets

SG: Define the word “burrito.”

AvK: Can I define with a Pic? [see right!]

Oh and I’d like to add the sound of a bag of Cheetos opening to my earlier statement [the sound/noise you love], thanks.

SG: Name a food that you used to hate but you love now

AvK: Hmmmmm, squid, but I can only eat fried calamari, because if I see any of them damn tentacles ohhhh hellll no
SG: What is the finest quality a person can possess?

AvK: Split honesty/loyalty

SG: When are you happiest?

AvK: When I’m with my family, friends and pets. They give me ultimate joy, and magic. I’m tearing up. Also, when I’m in Halloween Adventure. It’s my “special” place.
SG: What’d you do today?

AvK: Got dressed to “That Girl”, by Stevie Wonder playing 7 times on repeat, got on the train only to make awkward and lustful eyes at a goth/emo/homo thug. Watched countless YouTube videos with my writers to generate ideas while one of them played every Phil Collins song know to man. Sang “I can’t wait,” by NuShooz next to the fax machine. Read your blog. Rubbed my boobs on my boss. Ate 3 mini Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. Cried. Laughed. Cried again.
SG: What’s a guilty pleasure for you?

AvK: Watching corny “Urban” or “non-urban” comedies/coming of age/dance-off related films with you in an actual real movie theater that we both then deny seeing or knowing of their existence.
SG: What actor or actress’s fame is totally undeserved?

AvK: Christopher Murney, who play Eddie Arcadian in The Last Dragon. What a pompous ass!

SG: You have to move to another city that you’ve never even visited and live there for at least one year. Where do you go?

AvK: Sao Paulo or Amsterdam

SG: Invent a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor that incorporates the name of a band. Go.

AvK: I can’t beat Neneh Cherry.

Orange Juice Jones Creamsicle explosion with swirls of Blind Melon! Also his hit song “The Rain,” is important, because I picture someone’s drunk, deadbeat dad spinning in the rain, eating his sorrows away with that flavor of ice cream. Then, after tasting the blind melon swirl a girl in a bee suit comes out and gives him a hug
SG: If your country of origin suddenly adopted an Israeli/Italian policy towards defense, and you had to join the armed forces in some capacity, what would you choose to do?

AvK: If I grew up in Israel, then yes. All of my friends in Israel did it. If my country “adopted” that policy now, no.

SG: No, it’s not whether you would choose to do it. It’s if your country were like Israel or Italy, you would HAVE to do it. So the question is if the US suddenly adopted that policy, what would you do? What role would you want to have?

AvK: NONE
SG: Right, but you HAVE to.

AvK: I would leave

SG: Brandon, Dylan or Steve?

AvK: OK, I was a Dylan lover always. Those ponchos and his love of French fries always got me hot, but I relate more to Steve. He’s got such a kind heart!

FUCKING INCREDIBLE

2009-01-27T14:51:00.001-07:00

BEARS

2009-01-27T14:29:00.001-07:00

Honey, the best present is love?

2009-01-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

NEW YORK UNDERCOVER

2009-01-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

I was just gonna post a video of AALIYAH on New York Undercover because 1. she would have been 30 this month and 2. I really miss her. BUT then I was watching a million clips for the show (which was crucial to me growing up) and found this bone thugs one too. Then SWV, and XSCAPE and AL GREEEEEN!

OH AND AL GREEEEEEEEEEEEEN

The Rick Warren remix

2009-01-25T22:06:00.004-07:00

JOY TO THE WORLD

tick tock, tock tock tock

2009-01-19T00:10:00.001-07:00

not sick

ill

OHHHH HELLLLLL NOOOO

2009-01-16T19:27:00.002-07:00

THIS BITCH NEEDS TO STOP

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

LADIES OF THE VIEW EXCLUDING DUMB ASS ELISABETH HASSELBECK, WAY TO HOLD IT DOWN!

its 3:00am

2009-01-13T01:00:00.001-07:00

beautiful

2009-01-12T15:15:00.004-07:00

christina "dip it low" milian in MOB
whaaaat

new HOJB coming at your face like BANG

expect a new illllllller video

and

some real support

THERE IS A MAN STUCK IN THIS GOAT

2009-01-11T21:41:00.001-07:00

whooop whooop

2009-01-06T14:57:00.001-07:00

I LOVE HORSES

2009-01-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

all star album

What's a WORDS WORTH?

2008-12-30T21:46:00.003-07:00

Crazy words and lying words
Hazy words and dying words
Words of faith and tell me straight
Rare words and swear words
Good words and bad words

What are words worth?

Words can make you pay and pay
Four-letter words I cannot say
Panty, toilet, dirty devil
Words are trouble, words are subtle
Words of anger, words of hate
Words over here, words out there
In the air and everywhere
Words of wisdom, words of strife
Words that write the book I like
Words wont find no right solution
To the planet earths pollution
Say the right word, make a million
Words are like a certain person
Who cant say what they mean
Dont mean what they say

HAPPY ALMOST 2009.

LOVE FOR EVERYONE IN THE WORLD

Show the people you cherish what they mean to you. The future isn't for cowards, let your heart burst open

2008-12-10T21:10:00.003-07:00

incredible. I forgot to put this up right when it happened.

WHOM EVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS, PLEASE GIVE ME A CALL. WE HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT! and I LOVE YOU. Also, Rick your the dog now man.

incredible, they just rick roll'd THE WORLD

THE MUSES

2008-12-09T19:00:00.005-07:00

beautiful, special and full of magic, these mortal descendants of zeus constantly guide me and expand my mind to the outer limits of outerness. They are my apples of love. I started a new channel to exhibit nuggets of life/time standing still-or-tilting sideways and jems that I hold in my retina/brain/deep insides.

view all of the constellations (that I caught on film) which glitter in the dark blue vault of sky here http://www.youtube.com/user/EXHIBITAK

and below

and from the sweetest sweet peach patty cake alive:

http://www.jonesbigasstruckrentalandstorage.com/

BIG TINGS POPPPPPPING

2008-12-03T12:15:00.007-07:00

HOLY COW. in and out of the atmosphere

If you're in NYC def go to Stuie's book release soiree

THEN,

tweedle dee and tweedle dum are on tour (SOULCLAP). If you want to have a seriously great time and have two adorable boston-bred rave cadettes tear your face off with rave time, you should most definitely go to one of their tour dates below. Also I share a brain with them (we take turns juicing it as it floats in a large mechanical body from teenage mutant ninja turtles!) so it's kinda like I'm on tour too! kinda! but I don't know jack squat about techno!

All Night Wrong in the Beatport Lounge w/ Crazy Larry & Matthew Craig Denver, Colorado
Dec 8 2008 10:00P

U.N.I.T.Y. 90’s Jam @ Beauty Bar Los Angeles, California
Dec 10 2008 10:00P

Lies Lies Lies @ Vine Bar Los Angeles
Dec 11 2008 11:00P

Phonic @ End Up w/ Alland Byallo & J-Phlip San Francisco, California
Dec 12 2008 10:00P

The Bunker @ Public Assembly w/Mikael Stavöstrand Brooklyn, New York
Dec 24 2008 10:00P

Fun educational fact from my dad!
WHAT IS BEE FRASS?

and if you are in ISRAEL go get your face smashed into a katillion pieces of joy:

DEC 1st 2008

2008-12-02T11:30:00.003-07:00

This was meant to go up yesterday on said date, but I was hiding in a cave. I sang to you at midnight and I know you heard me. LOVE and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAREK. miss you a lot.

2008-11-18T15:37:00.008-07:00

White House chief of staff -- Rahm Emanuel

I know it's a lil late but I never shouted out that he went to SARAH LAWRENCE COLLEGE, where he studied ballet, and graduated the year that I sprung from Zeus's head. YEAH! BRING IT ON WORLD! we special!

oh and y'all don't know crazy yet

BUT YOU WILL SOON.

OH and SPIKE BRING THE HEAT PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE

(where the wild things are sneak)

POW BANG BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

WANDA!

2008-11-18T15:17:00.001-07:00

DAMN RIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

LISA RUBIN IS THE QUEEN OF MY HEART

2008-11-17T12:31:00.001-07:00

yes!

taken from lisalisalisa here:

http://www.gabbagabbahaaaay.com/

EYEGASM

2008-11-12T14:20:00.008-07:00

MY REAL LIFE JESSICA RABBIT just made this for a project she's doing in BRAZIL:

So fly, it makes me cry. you wish you could touch her. So do I. and you can here:
http://www.niterider.us/

oh, and if you are in or around BOSSSSTON you know about this dude. If you exsist in the world you should know about this dude. He's got magic in his mustache, and is the only guy I'd be willing to make blond babies with:

I LOVE YOU MY GOLDENSTASH KING!

and this makes me horny to make beautiful mindbending things:

BABY BITZ: BEHIND THE MUSIC

2008-11-09T13:54:00.002-07:00

"I am highly disturbed, elated, sad, mad, happy, horny, hungry & had the best time of my life. I'm spreading the BABY BITZ. fever to the masses"-Felicia S. (Infamous back-waxer)

the first episode of KOOCHIEVISION is finally upon us! brace yourselves for the BEST THING EVER IN HISTORY. OF VIDEOS AND THINGS. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION. SERIOUSLY. THE END.-The NITE RIDER (famous artist/fly girl/porn sketch queen bee)

"How can something soooo wrong, feel so RIGHT?!?!?"-Charles Levine (Famous techno DJ/children's crossing guard)

"Loved it! Terrified but loved it!" -The Gaslamp Killer (Famous DJ/Killer)

"this is fucking awesome. i was talking about eating babies 2 days ago with my editor and how funny it is to eat babies and was making the motion of chomping on one and he just looked at me like i'm weird. BUT YOU UNDERSTAND, ABBINGTON!!"-Lynn K. (Famous creative director of marshmallows/general mills cereal manufacters)

"It' like my eyes are getting raped by the screen... but the good kind of rape!"- Jody Bennet (Famous Entrepreneurial taco/ Stucco molding tycoon)

"Love the lil' babies. Great touch! Amazing display of pageantry and babe pieces for mankind!" -GOLDENSTASH (Famous Renaissance man)

"INSPIRATIONAL" -Tomm W. (Famous Historian)

"you are so rowdy!! your hair looks great" -Lynette Astaire (Famous photographer)

"Scary crazy…dazzling new flavors AY AY AY. You're pretty evil and f@#$'ed in the head." -J speck (Famous Trombone player)

"SO IS WHIPLASH, SO IS LOSING CONTROL!" HA HA HA HA WHO ARE YOU! KOOTIE KATCHER DOES IT AGAIN VIVA LA KOOCHAIR!BONSOIR! AND MY OTHER FAVORITE PART:
"UR SERIOUSLY FUCT IN THE HEAD!" -Trish "Welcome to the terrordome!" Sweet(Famous Chimney Sweep/Snake milker)

"hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa WE love it Abby Baby!!!! We all watched it here at the office and I think everyone is a bit disturbed but highly amused! They are now questioning whats for dinner! WE miss you my loveeeeeeeeeee. come back! come back, jack, come back!!-The ISRAELI ARMY

"So funny! I loved it!" - Alissa G. (Famous Lawyer and Assistant D.A./6th grade math league Co-Captain))

"its so sick that its brilliant,"-rich sancho (Famous dude/Chicken Sexer)

"That just blew my mind." -Scott F. (Famous Scott/Rodeo Clown)

"Utterly ridiculous and glorious all at the same time"- Zach H. (Famous Whistler)

"Equally disturbing and amazing!" -Leah McSweeney(Famous fashion designer,CEO,down ass bitch!)

"HAHAHAH- sign me up...i'm jonesin for baby bitzzzz now and for the touch of your creamy tender skin. when does episode 2 come out...of the womb? ps- i love you more than moonbeams!" -Lisa Lisa Rubin and the Cult Jam!(Famous Lisa)

"You are a demented genius!" -Dad (the most amazing earth dad)

Chad's Wedding!

2008-11-08T16:49:00.004-07:00

MATT & I hosting Chad's Wedding in 2002 when I was 16!

We were number 1 on the charts yesterday, but number two is just as nice! Shout out to the galaxy and the earths and the skys and the moons and the suns son!

also Mobb Deeeeeep and you in the pants! Yeah, I like your style:

AND
shout out to LOURDES who understands this:

and is a magic muffin!

2008-11-04T14:17:00.002-07:00

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
2 get through this thing called life

Electric word life
It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell u
There's something else:

And if the elevator tries 2 bring u down
Go craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy

THE POINTER SISTERS x SESAME STREET

2008-10-23T23:01:00.001-07:00

YESYESYESSSSSSSSSS

LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE

2008-10-16T08:47:00.002-07:00

Why am I posting such a scary commercial for scary babies laughing scary? AH yes my young apprentices, soon. very very soon you shall all understand.

OH and this:

Shout out to the REDHEAD who blasts Buffy w the soaker, he was my counselor at art camp!

2008-10-14T14:41:00.004-07:00

and in other news:

ST. LOUIS STAND UP!

2008-10-11T12:06:00.007-07:00

LOVE TO KIKI THE FIRST LADY OF 100.3 THE BEAT in the Loop

for shouting me out HAAARD and being an all around wonderful person!! And to my Grandpa from ST. LOUIS,LOVE YOU!

Link here!
http://www.100.3thebeat.com/pages/KikiTheFirstLady.html

DON'T PLAY WITH:

2008-10-09T09:56:00.002-07:00

and Morgan Freeman for SHOCK-TOBER:

baths are GREAT

AND:

ITS THE ONLY WAY TO BE A BE IN THE HERE

ITS ABOUT THAT TIME

2008-10-08T21:14:00.003-07:00

FOILED AGAIN!

2008-10-08T08:35:00.003-07:00

An email sent from your ID has been flagged by Viac*& Information Security for a possible policy violation. The message you are attempting to send with the subject line Big hairy fuckingballs may contain sensitive data, such as an unencrypted format. Viac&*’s Information Security Policies require that all personal identifiable information must be encrypted when stored or transferred.

This message is to advise you that the email with the subject line Big hairy fuckingballs has not been sent.

EXCLUSIVE WORLD PREMIERE!!!

2008-10-01T11:43:00.006-07:00

LETS START SHOCK-TOBER OFF RIGHT! RIGHT!!

presenting the love child of THE HOUSE OF JACKIE BROWN and MY

and some real porn and an

click it! lick it!

FLYING LOTUS is dope, so is Eric and Tim and Devin Flynn, and my real parents, and Eric Clapton or (tin, for the continuous rhyme if you please) !

WANDA!

2008-09-27T10:55:00.001-07:00

Thanks Trishy!

YOWZAAAAAAAAAAA

2008-09-26T08:18:00.001-07:00

PATRA, work your body baby

2008-09-25T19:29:00.003-07:00

my property's my property

HOLE IN THE WALL!?!?!?! / scary clown anger

2008-09-22T13:47:00.006-07:00

UM
yes!

This show is amazing:

http://fox.com/fod/play.php?sh=holeinthewall

And

CLOWNS ARE SCARY

except this:

THE STATE CHANGED MY LIFE

THE MIDNIGHT SPECIAL!

2008-09-12T16:12:00.003-07:00

what a fantastic show.

I'm gonna bring it back y'all, from the future!

Burt Sugarman, WHERE YOU AT

and Spindarella Cut It Up One Time

Vanilla pudding tastes good until it eats your face!

2008-09-10T01:41:00.002-07:00

and kids don't forget to stand up for what you believe in and BUST HIS BALLLLLZ

THE FUTURE OF THE FUTURE OF US ALL

2008-08-29T12:52:00.003-07:00

together we stand.

and BILLY WALSH is a gentleman, a scholar, and an amazing specimen of human being. Hit him up here:

http://www.obamafoamfingers.com/

and ps

MEAT LOVERRRRRR

2008-08-28T14:42:00.002-07:00

Jan Švankmajer is a GOD.

2008-08-27T10:09:00.004-07:00

thanks IAN

GO TO http://www.ianreidsvideo.com/

I LOVE WEENIES

PS FEEL LIKE PRANK CALLING?

1-877-SCLAP-BZ
1877-725-2729

TELL THEM LARGE MARGE SENT YA!

Bitch, DON'T MAKE ME GET MY CANE

2008-08-25T08:47:00.002-07:00

BEST video ever. everrrrrrr

followed closely by THE DOWN LOW VIDEO.

viva ISLEY'S

really real realness

2008-08-21T15:11:00.003-07:00

Gabe, one of my magic muffin bakers dozen on GAWKER whilst working on the real world? WTF.

Alligator Tomato soup

2008-08-19T12:48:00.001-07:00

2008-08-18T11:25:00.002-07:00

I love you.
come to me.

See more James Franco videos at Funny or Die

Puppies

2008-08-15T12:27:00.002-07:00

ANDREW, I love you.

and blast from the past on some other MIA shit:

SLIP N' SLIDE

and hot bitches in bikinis on my shark slip n' slide coming XXXtremely soon.

2008-08-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

http://manbabies.com/
http://manbabies.com/
http://manbabies.com/

BOUNCY BALLLLLLLLLLLZ

2008-08-13T10:16:00.001-07:00

SO BOUNCY
THEY BOUNCE FOR DAYZ

STARRING:
DRY ICE
BEAKERS
GRADUATED CYLINDERS
SHARKS
POPCORN
DISCO PANTS
BRAD PITT!

ATOMIC DAWG

2008-08-10T20:31:00.002-07:00

Happy 4th birfffday Amore! You are the finest poodle I've ever seen.

PRETTY RICKY ROLL'D

2008-08-08T12:24:00.001-07:00

INCREDIBLE.

MORE INCREDIBLE

HERE WE GO

2008-08-05T19:38:00.008-07:00

STOP
BREATHE
BRAIN PARTICLE SPEW. BRING IT BACK.

ZOOOOBILEE ZOO:

EARTH GIRLS ARE EASY

2008-07-18T11:55:00.002-07:00

one of the best movies ever.

DEEP LIKE THE SHINING

2008-07-17T12:11:00.004-07:00

SPARKLE LIKE A DIAMOND, SNEAK A UZI ON THE ISLAND IN HER ARMY JACKET LINING.

http://www.jessynite.com
http://www.jessynite.com
http://www.jessynite.com

GURL, YOU'RE A WOMAN NOW.
too hot to handle, too cold to hold
xxxxxx

BONER!

2008-07-17T10:54:00.001-07:00

I LOVE THIS KID:

Calvin Morett had pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct for dressing in a 6-foot penis costume at the graduation at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center.

FAST FORWARD TO THE PAST.

2008-07-16T20:49:00.006-07:00

CALI DAYZ:

SCHOOL REUNION DAY:

POKEYS BDAY (we were BBQing, they were flexing-mad cobra style):

FATHERS DAY:

NAS + ALIFE DAY:

BIG BABY HEADS DAY (MFA in BOSSSTON):

fast forward to right now: grandpa I miss you more than a lot.

fast forward to tomorrow:

FIRE in my belly

2008-07-13T01:22:00.001-07:00

Mom's new video

2008-07-10T12:58:00.000-07:00

PERFECT
PERFECTTTT
PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERFECT

PIE FACE

2008-07-08T21:26:00.004-07:00

Lynn, if you ever read this, I am declaring to the web/world/galaxy, that I love and cherish you.

I was just given the greatest compliment of my entire life.

Lynn: "You are the pie in the face of the world."

Tearzzzz of unnecessary ZZZZ (purple tears).

soon, very very very soon, you will have boston cream pie in your faces and it tastes sooooooo gooooood.

PS TONY IT FEELS SO GOOD (Tonester D-you, me and SWV)

This bitch deserves a pie every 3.7 seconds and stabbings:

everyone needs a favorite lucky towel

SHOUT OUT TO MARK SUMMERS and boomboom

We need a montage

1-800-PIEFACE

yeah baby it was.

From the Orithological Society Conference

2008-07-03T07:24:00.002-07:00

Dear Mr. Prince,

It's been three days since you delivered your keynote address, "When Doves Cry," to our organization, the American Ornithological Society. As president of the AOS, I wanted to wait a little while before contacting you to express my displeasure with what took place. Frankly, it took three days for my bewilderment and fear to begin to ebb. As you know, we paid you a hefty honorarium to deliver what we thought would be a scholarly presentation. We want our money back.

Despite the provocative title of the speech you proposed, we are not in the habit of hiring speakers who are not ornithologists. But frankly, Mr. Prince, your androgynous, highly charged sexuality hypnotized us. We went crazy; you were a star; we wanted you to take us with you. Also, as you know, we were all quite fond of your father, Tubold. Knowing how rigorous Tubold's academic standards were, we thought his son would be just as thorough and insightful. But you are not like your father, Tubold.

I'm remembering the beginning of your speech now and regretting that we didn't turn off your microphone immediately. We were eager to hear about the doves crying, but instead you asked the audience to imagine kissing you. I surveyed the room and immediately noticed women getting all flushed, while the men (who make up an overwhelming percentage among ornithologists) fidgeted nervously, uncomfortable with imagining kissing you but unable to stop imagining it. Your hot breath. Your wispy mustache. I'm sorry. I lost my place. What was I talking about? Right. The speech.

So it was off-topic from the whole crying-doves thing, but we went with it. It was upon opening our eyes that we realized how strange your presentation truly was. You had filled the auditorium with animals. Monkeys, hippos, tigers, a few dogs, a couple of emus, and three llamas. All dressed in purple pantsuits with hair gel in their fur. The animals seemed limber, judging by the poses they were able to maintain. It's like they had animal versions of your own sinewy body. But their presence made all in attendance very nervous, which gave them another thing to worry about besides "When will he get to the doves?!"

It was when you invited the audience to come onstage with you for some sort of heat-measurement experiment that things really fell apart. Were we intrigued by the idea of feeling heat from you? Of course. How could we not be? But even a tiger striking a curious pose (standing on its front legs, tail in the shape of a zigzag) is still terrifying because it is a tiger. That's why none of us joined you onstage. We were also eager to hear about the doves. Were they hiding behind the tigers?

Now, obviously, our unwillingness to join in this exercise made you upset. You complained about how we left you standing, and I think you were unhappy with the thermostat setting in the room as well. You began to scream at us in a manner that was admittedly alluring but nonetheless frightening. Some audience members started screaming back things like "I'm afraid of getting mauled by the tiger!" and "The llama has kicked my wife!" and "What about the doves crying?! I really want to find out about that!" You screamed back about how impossible it was to satisfy us (not true: tell about the doves) and something about your mother. (We were fond of her also, as well as Tubold, and it's such a shame that they died in that mysterious tiger mauling. Tigers in Minnesota! Who would have thought? Did they ever figure that out?) I don't know what issues you had with your mother, but the place to work those out is with a professional therapist and not while addressing ornithologists.

Then, in the midst of all this chaos, you informed us that the screaming itself was the sound that doves make when they cry. And, I mean, what? No it's not. Crying doves sound like terrified ornithologists exchanging screams with a sexy, sexy pop singer? Or was that squeal thing you did supposed to be the crying doves? How did it go? "Aii! Aii! Aii! Aiaiaiai!" It was a massive turn-on, but it was not science.

The last thing I remember of that night is uniformed officers and animal-control personnel entering the room (the animals were no longer able to maintain their poses, though I remain super-impressed that a hippo can do any yoga at all) as the ornithologists were whisked to safety. I recall you chasing after people and inviting them to touch your stomach. I actually tried to comply with that one but was carried out by riot police before I had the chance. I still haven't found out what happened to the butterflies we had tied up in the back of the auditorium.

You know, now that I recall these events, Mr. Prince, I find that I have a hard time staying mad at U. In fact, 2 tell the truth, it might have been the most exciting convention we've ever had. So, I guess I should say thank you. Or thank U for the funky time. Please let me know if U ever want to grind out some new ideas. About birds. Or whatever.

Sincerely,

Nicholas E. Darling
President
American Ornithological Society

(http://www.mcsweeneys.net/)

LOVE

2008-06-26T21:00:00.003-07:00

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

YESYESYESYESYESYESYES

2008-06-22T21:46:00.002-07:00

OH
MY
GAAAAWD

I am so flippppping proud

jesus world, you are not fucking ready. the future is sooooooo bright.

SUNSHINE BOUQUET

2008-06-22T20:14:00.002-07:00

DRE, thank you for the sunshine. I was just informed, that on one of my all time favorite Stevie Wonder songs, ALL I DO, the back up vocals are sung by MICHAEL JACKSON and LUTHER VANDROSS. Holy fuck, the joy that brings me is indescribable. There is no video for ALL I DO, but if i were you, I would go get a hold of it. It's really got a hold on me.

and, some magic, beauty, and wonder

CHAKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAA

That gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrl

and for real, I don't know why, but I do

i want to be here right now (and dre you remind me of her OXXOOXO)

and some POWER

and take it back to chakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(or rather 5 chaka's)

SOUR

2008-06-20T12:35:00.001-07:00

this is amazing:

SWEEDISH FISH SLAP

Dedicated to ones I love

2008-06-12T22:02:00.002-07:00

ARSENIO WEDNESDAYS

2008-06-11T10:54:00.004-07:00

AND PEEEEEEEEWEEEEEEEEEE (dad)

CARTOON RAT-TAILS

2008-06-11T10:47:00.001-07:00

YES!

I LOVE YOU MOMMMMMMA

2008-06-06T11:49:00.005-07:00

happy birthday mommy! I love you so! i know the love you feel for the MIAMI SOUND MACHINE so this is for you.

Gloria is the "queen of Latin pop" and you are the QUEEN OF MY HEART!

side note- in 1990, when a semi-truck crashed into Gloria's tour bus, leaving her almost paralysed with two titanium rods in her spine, my Spanish teacher would play us songs from her albums everyday until the end of the school year. He also had us write her letters in Spanish full of love and support. That was almost as awesome as when my 5th grade teacher gave us STEVIE WONDER DAY for black history month, where he would play us Stevie records on his own portable, vintage record player. THANK YOU BROOKLINE PUBLIC SCHOOLS!

A HAAHAHHA ahahhaha ahahhahaha YESSS

2008-06-05T11:09:00.002-07:00

My girl at work showed me this today. The chick who falls into the depths of hell is her friend!

AHHAHAHHAHAHA

two angles baby!

PAMPLEMOUSSE

2008-06-03T18:10:00.001-07:00

BEST LAZY SUNDAY CLEAN YOUR HOUSE BITCH MIX EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

MAGIC FOR YOUR EARS, love the one and only MATT FOLEY: http://www.mattfoley.us/
Matt on the mix!
me on the english and horoscopes!
pokey on the french!

Hit the high hat!

Scrub yo tub, oh wait you missed a spot!

COLORS!

Grapefruit!

WHERE IS JAAAAAAAA

2008-06-03T13:43:00.002-07:00

werd, Charli Baltimore repping MOB

and my fave work of hers

WHERE IS JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I wouldn't snitch either Charli! especially not to that dude yelling jaaaaaaaaaaa at me!

2008-06-02T20:37:00.004-07:00

She's playing my b-day party

ain't that the truth!

also IAN REIDS NEW VIDEO out soon!
pic by Ian at my ridin' duuuurty double dare video shoot. shout out to V's boobzzzzz

if i'm over your head, off with it

BANANAS

2008-05-28T21:38:00.002-07:00

googly eyez!

pokey sorry if that was traumatic!

squirrel stew

oh and

MY LOONY BUN IS FINE BENNY LAVA!

2008-05-26T12:41:00.002-07:00

hahahahha aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh haaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Trish, again, thank you for sending me the illest illness of illville!

for your extreme pleasure:

poop on them Oliver!!!!

life is gooooooood.

STUNNING

2008-05-18T22:01:00.002-07:00

Presenting: Calpernia Addams

bitch is eating pop tarts!

when there's nothing left to believe in......

2008-05-17T23:51:00.003-07:00

Boom Boom VS BABYFACE

2008-04-27T18:13:00.005-07:00

Once again, the mighty boom boom Sweet re-reminded me of this song. One thing you need to know about me is that I LOVE THIS SHIT! I always will, and frankly, if you were raised in the 90's you do too. NEWWWWW JACKKKKK SWINGGGGGG

I'm digging on youuuuuuu

I also love pouring buckets of water on potential lovers.

I also did that dance at my bat mitzvah.

Also, babyface makes stripes look hard and soft at the same time!

WOW.

Corn juice tastes so fucking good!

Last night, you brought something special out of me!

PEACE AND LOVE

Dirrrrrrrty

2008-04-24T09:58:00.003-07:00

my favorite muppet of all. I love and miss you dirty!

THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE!!!!!

ooooooooh on the TLC Tip

2008-04-24T08:41:00.003-07:00

This changed my life so I figured todays the day to take a trip back in time.

and
GET IT UP
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoxQ3vYkpS4&feature=related

HO JB

2008-04-20T09:14:00.004-07:00

HOUSE OF JACKIE BROWN.

Get a towel. Get the cold shower running.

My girls are en FUEGO!

CALIENTE!

WWW.HOUSEOFJACKIEBROWN.COM

Amazon bikini takeover.

holy hell!

TEAR DROPS OF JOY

2008-04-18T14:10:00.007-07:00

THE FUTURE IS NOW.

PREPARE FOR THE UNIVERSE AS YOU KNOW IT TO EXPLODE WITH IMAGINATION, JOY, PEACE, LOVE, PINK FURRY THINGS and MONKEYS!

FACE BRAIN HEART BUTT SHATTER
stolen from the finest GLK I've ever met)

Step into the deep, labyrinth abyss of my mind

KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM

HUGE THANKS AND ROUND OF APPLAUSE

FOR
1. JESSY Kennedy for the illest artwork, web design and new york city titty committee member. Serious love, respect,proudness. YOU ARE A COLLOSSAL SIZED PICASSO. moneypowerrespect MA
http://www.missjessysk.blogspot.com/
http://www.benevolentruler.blogspot.com/

and

CHRIS GROVER, when i meet you in real life, the moon will collide with mars and magic monkeys will fall from the heavens! and Miss Van will paint us together on someones boobs!

2. SOULCLAP, my brothers, CHARLES and ELI for eargasm bootybump grimey ass love songs AND LAZER-VAMPIRE-JAMES BROWN clap clap clappppppppnessssssss. You are both part of me and I you. Insane Happy Sad Clowns!
http://www.soulclap.us/

AND TO YOU, for being open to a new, beautiful future.

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
YOUR
MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND

GO GO GADGET BOOTY

KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM
KOOCHIEVISION.COM

OHHHHH
AND PS. http://www.facemelt.us/

FANTASTIC VOYAGE

2008-04-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

or NOT

Trishy, thanks for alerting me of this:

WOOOOOOOOOOOD

2008-04-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

It's better than BAD it's GOOD!

hard, stiff wood

Strange, I've seen that face before....

2008-04-13T07:13:00.002-07:00

ONLY charles drops this at midnight.

i'm wearing:

Youtube has no Fishnet video but I did find this GEM

HAHAHHAHAHAHHA

KID PICKS!!!

2008-04-10T21:30:00.002-07:00

FELICIA, I LOVE YOU

This is Felicia's side project, having kids review movies. GO TO: http://www.kidpicksonline.com/ FOR THE MAGIC

and watch this:

whoever owns these kids better watch out, I want to eat them!

I feel they all collectively represent what my brain scan would look like more than yaaaaay trick yaaaaay(a few posts below). Shocking! and disturbing! and true!